SOCKiT WENCHES - Shovey Chase If the rumors are correct – and we all know rumors so often are -- Shovey Chase is actually the pseudonym of Suzanne Chase, an investigative reporter for a large, well-known newspaper. A master of disguise and "blending in," Chase is known for going undercover to get the scoop – some might say a little too far undercover. Chase once spent an entire summer dressed as Twinkie the Kid to expose a major food company's illegal, child-labor-using snack cake "filling stations" in second-world countries. For her stories, she also learned to Bedazzle in order to get to the bottom of a gem sweater heist, became a mechanic to expose fraudulent facial hair practices in NASCAR, and enrolled in high school, posing as a 17-year-old "cool girl" in order to find out what kids these days are talking about (sex, drugs, rock 'n' roll, myspace, and tater tots). After enjoying the success of this string of widely read, award-winning (if perhaps a tad ethically questionable) investigative pieces, Chase reportedly turned her sights on the growing sport of roller derby. She convinced her editor that by trying out to become a real rollergirl, and joining a hard-hitting, vicious team, she could single-handedly expose the rowdy sport for what she suspected it actually is: a twisted, glittery, fishnetted, punk-rock driven plot to overthrow the so-called "Pentaveret" (the Queen, the Vatican, the Gettys, the Rothschilds, and Colonel Sanders). So she tried out for the Rat City Rollergirls, and was picked up by the beautiful but hard-driving Sockit Wenches. Before long, the Wenches started to become suspicious of Chase. Their new teammate carried a camera, a notebook and a pen everywhere -- from practice to wild Wench nights on the town – scribbling wildly and asking impertinent questions at every turn. However, the Wenches temporarily forgave Chase's eccentricities when they discovered her penchant for passing out concussions to their opponents like razor-hiding popcorn balls on Halloween. Things came to a head late one night at The Sunset Tavern. After months of enduring grueling practices just to keep her cover and get to the real story of raucous roller derby, Chase had become desperate for a lead. That night, she reached just a bit too far. The girls were sitting around a booth chatting about hot rods, ham sandwiches and monkeys, when Bonnie Collide made a startling confession. Chase turned to her and said, "Bonnie, will you tell your secret again, this time louder? And … um … while you tell it, could you say your full name, then spell it, all while speaking very clearly into my suspiciously large and out-of-place broach?" The Wenches looked at each other, then at Chase, and in the time it would take to pop a Sparks, they had tied her up with skate laces and elbow pad Velcro until she confessed. The gig was up. Or was it? The Wenches may know Chase is an undercover reporter, but she knows most of their Derby Little Secrets. Stuck at an impasse in terms of deceit and blackmail material, the Sockit Wenches and Shovey Chase struck a deal. Chase needs their deep, dark secrets to finish her story on deadline, but the Sockit Wenches need her as their team's human bowling ball. They agreed that Chase will stay on and help the Sockit Wenches in their quest for championship glory and, in return, for every opponent she knocks flat, they will tell her one secret she so desperately needs for her story. Will Shovey Chase be able to knock down enough hellions, revolutionaries and rockets to get the information she needs? Will the Sockit Wenches win the championship before Chase finishes her story and exposes the secrets of roller derby? Stay tuned, gentle readers. Stay tuned.     BACK